Sometimes It Feels LikeSometimes it feels like I am holding fire, or water, or maybe a mix of the two because I am drowning and burning up at the same time. My insides are mixing and falling into the wrong places, dizzying, unpredictable, blackout. And these days I feel my skin burn with an anticipation of a hunger that I never feed anymore. Ladders building up my arms to climb to my head- nerves bursting with a need and I am relinquishing my power over my emotions by denying myself the very things that let me feel. I can't look you in the eye anymore, I can't find a handhold, a hand to hold, someone who doesn't tell me I'm crazy for the way I dream. For I dream, and my dreams are nonsensical and always filled with a thousand wishes for the wrong things.
I don't want more regrets marking me as insane.
I run my hands over themselves, feeling my face and my arms and my legs, I need to know that I exist. And the nighttime nightmares of three years ago are crashing back and I am scared that I am losing th